New Game: Hogwarts?
by Camsen02
Summary: Karkat and Gamzee are still stuck on the meteorite, and the boredom is slowly killing Karkat. Making a rude wish to get the hell away, a black hole appears and suck the two trolls in, leaving them in the world of wizards and witches: Hogwarts. Now how the fuck did that happen? And who the fuck is Harry Potter? Rated M for language, blood and future romance. Main pairing: Gamkar.
1. Chapter 1

**Alright, this is a new story I have had in mind for some time now...I know I have other stories, and don't worry! I will update them as well~ Anyway, this is a crossover between Homestuck and Harry Potter. This is mostly my mind running wild...And I wrote this at night, so it might be pretty weird!**

**I do NOT own Homestuck or Harry Potter.**

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Chapter one: All in one freaking day

It was another day at Hogwarts, the sky was bright and clear, not a single cloud to see, and the sun was warm. Birds were flying in every direction, and noises from around everywhere could be heard.

Hogwarts was once again full of life, seeing as another year was just about to begin. The sorting of the new students had occurred the day before, and the usual things happened afterwards.

For a certain trio, who had been going to this special school for one year now, it was quite nostalgic. They were all thrilled to be back, and both adventure and danger awaited them. That much they knew, since that past year hadn't exactly been peaceful. One thing was for sure: it would be another interesting year.

Said trio had just awoken in their shared Gryffindor room, and they quickly got themselves ready for the first official day.

One of them, known as the famous "boy who lived", was Harry Potter. The second one was a redheaded boy with freckles, known for his shared color in his family, named Ronald Wesley. The last, but not least, was a brown bushy-haired girl, known for her intelligence, Hermione Granger.

Once ready, they all left the room and their dorm, walking towards the main hall, and afterwards their first class.

"It sure was troublesome to get here…To think the magical barrier would be blocked." Ron said.

"Yeah…" Harry began "I am not certain why, but I think it has something to do with that house elf, Dobby. He really acted strange, even ruining Vernon's meeting. Boy, that didn't turn out pretty. Also, the following events didn't go that well either."

Ron shivered, remembering their little accident with the car and that Whoomping Willow. "I never want to go near that tree again…" He was so in for it. The car was destroyed and drove into the forbidden forest.

"You said he told you to stay home, and not return to Hogwarts, right?" Hermione spoke up.

"Yep, that's about it…"

"Hmm…"

"By the way, what do you all thing of our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?" Ron asked.

"I honestly don't know yet, but from what I have seen, I think he is a bit self-centered." Harry said.

Hermione just shrugged, "We don't know how he is yet. He may be a great teacher."

"Well, in any case, we'll get to see how he is today."

OoOoOoOo

On a certain meteorite, two certain trolls could be spotted, one sitting on a stone, while the other lied on the ground, staring up at nothing in particular, a few 'Honks' coming from him here and there, while the other scowled irritably whenever it happened.

These past days were killing the troll sitting on the stone. That troll's name was Karkat Vantas. He was a very short troll, with black hair, grey skin and yellow gray eyes, black and gray clothes, and two very small nubby-horns. Despite being as old as most of his fellow trolls, he looked to be one of the youngest, due to his height. He did not like this fact. At all. If one particular person should say anything related to that, all hell would break loose, especially at this time.

He felt so bored and irritated, that he didn't even stop his moirail's rambling. That was saying a lot.

Said moirail was a very, and when I say very, I mean VERY _VERY_ tall troll, with big sharp horns, gray skin and a face painted like a clown, yellow gray eyes, black shirt with black pants that had purple dotted spots on it, making him look more like a clown, as well as black unruly hair. His name was Gamzee Makara.

These two seemed like the complete opposites, yet in some screwed up way, they became best friends.

"-aNd ThEn ThOsE mIrThFuLl MiRaClEs ToLd Me To Do ThAt! iSN't ThAt ToTaLlY wIcKeD kAr-BrO?"

Karkat slowly turned his head to look at Gamzee, his scowl becoming more apparent.

"JUST SHUT UP GAMZEE! I DON'T HAVE THE FREAKING ENERGY TO LISTEN TO YOUR MIRACLES!"

"SuRe ThInG bRo, HONK :o)" He said, and then resumed to stare at nothing.

Karkat sighed. Would they ever escape this glob-forsaken meteorite? He was beginning to doubt his own sanity these days…that sure as hell weren't a good sign. But when had things ever gone his way?

If only one of those fucking miracles that the nooksniffer keeps rambling about would happen…hell, he would even be willing to eat sopher slime for a change!

As if the mirthful gods answered his less polite pleads, a black hole appeared in front of them, sucking them in with full force to who knows where.

The last thing Karkat got to say was:

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!"

…While Gamzee's words were something like:

"…MoThErFuCkIn' MiRaClEs…"

OoOoOoOo

"Ugh…They sure got the news fast…That Howler was horrors." Ron whined.

The others could only smile and sweatdrop. What was there to say, really?

They were close to the assigned classroom, where their first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson would take place, when something unexpected happened.

"Holy Merlin's beard-"Ron gawked.

Harry and Hermione were in a similar situation. Right before them, a black hole appeared, and from it came two creatures. These creatures were nothing like the creatures they had heard or learned about.

They were both male, and they had dark gray skin, black hair, horns sticking out of their heads, yellow nails, sharp teethes, and yellow eyes with gray irises. Most of all, they had human-like bodies, but it was clear to the trio, that they weren't.

"-Wha-wha-what the hell are they!?" Ron continued.

"…I-I don't know! I have never seen anything like that!" Hermione yelled.

Harry was speechless.

"UGH…" the short thing said, making the trio tense, even getting their wands out.

"…WHERE…WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?!" It roared.

"…I'm TeLlInG yOu BrO, tHiS iS a MoThErFuCkIn' MiRaClE!" The other said, much to the trio's continuously growing confusion.

"SHUT UP GAMZEE! JUST SHUT UP FOR A FUCKING SPLIT SECOND! THERE ARE FUCKING RED ASS-MONKEYS WATCHING US!"

The tall creature, now known as Gamzee, slowly moved his head, until his eyes landed on the trio. The slow movements made them flinch, even backing away.

"….WhOa BrO, yOu'Re RiGhT…"

"OF COURSE I'M RIGHT GAMZEE! IT'S NOT LIKE I WOULD PRETEND TO SAY SOMETHING AS STUPID AS THAT IF IT WEREN'T TRUE! THAT WOULD EVEN MAKE YOU QUESTION MY SANITY!"

"…ChIlL bRo, I dIg."

"GOOD, THAT'S FREAKING GREAT! THE CLOWN UNDERSTANDS, NOW THAT IS A MIRACLE IN ITSELF!"

Gamzee was about to say something about miracles, but the other's glare made him stop.

"DON'T. START. WITH. ME."

The taller troll gave him a goofy smile, and resumed to watch the gawking humans.

"NOW WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" The small creature decided to break the silence that occurred afterwards.

More people had gathered around the trio, all in a gawking daze. Most of the bypasses had stopped, due to the loud yelling, and when they saw who that noise originated from, they could all but stare.

The students began whispering, and this seemed to anger the short one of the creatures. Hermione decided to stand up, and converse with the creatures. At times like that, Ron and Harry could only admire her.

"…He-hello. My name is Hermione Granger…What about you? Who are you, and do you know why you are here…?" She asked a little hesitant.

"ThE mIrThFuLl MeSsIaHs HaS gOt YoU aLl Up AnD tAlKiNg To Us…MiRaClEs ArE aLl ArOuNd Us. ThE mEsSiAhS cAlL mE gAmZee AnD-"

While Hermione and the rest of the group stared, not understanding what the tall creature said, the short one hit him in the back of his head, gaining a strange sound from the other…it sounded like a 'honk'.

"…WHAT THIS FUCKASS MEANS TO SAY IS THAT HIS FUCKING NAME IS GAMZEE, AND THAT WE HAVE NO IDEA WHY WE ARE HERE! MY NAME IS KARKAT FUCKING VANTAS, AND WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE ANYWAY?!"

It didn't exactly help them understand what the shorter said, with all the yelling and cursing he did, but at least he was making more sense than the other.

"…Alright," Hermione began "So you are Gamzee and Karkat. This here" she gestured to Harry "is Harry Potter, and this" she gestured to Ron "is Ronald Wesley."

They both nodded.

"The place you are currently at is called Hogwarts, a place for wizards and witches to learn and practice magic, in other words, a school for witchcraft and wizardry. Now, as to why-"

All of a sudden, the doors to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom opened, and the new teacher, Gilderoy Lockhart stormed over to the masses of students.

It was then that the trio, as well as the others, realized how much time had passed, and that they were considerably late.

"What in the world is going on over there?" Gilderoy started "Why have none of you come to my lesson yet? Do you not know that it will have severe conseque-" He stopped in his track when he laid eyes upon the two creatures, and he soon became like the rest, gawking and staring. Yet, a teacher is a teacher, so he quickly regained his senses.

"People, I will call for the headmaster immediately! All of you, except Harry, Ronald and Hermione, leave! You three, take these…these _things_ and come with me to sir Dumbledore's office!" He paused for a second, thinking.

"Use whatever method available to make them come, should they struggle." He left after that, leaving the trio with the two creatures.

"…So…will you come with us, Gamzee, Karkat?" Harry began.

"THE HELL IF I WANT. IT SOUNDED LIKE WE HAD NO CHOICE, AND I GIVE LIKE ZERO FUCKS. I'M NOT GOING."

Harry looked at the taller one, pleading. It seemed useless, as he was in another world at the moment, reaching for something in the air that wasn't there.

He sighed, along with his friends. It looked like they had to use magic to make them oblige.

Having had their wands out for a while now, they only needed to do the spell.

Karkat and surprisingly Gamzee noticed this, so they quickly reached for their sylladex, yet it was too late:

"_Petrificus Totalus!_" The trio shouted in unison, and in a split second, the creatures were bound, unable to move.

"…So, who takes the tall one?" Ron asked, sounding like he didn't want to go near Gamzee.

Hermione sighed. "Ron, stop being a coward! You know they can't move…The two of us will take him, alright?" Ron whined in response.

As the three of them left, Harry was left with the short one, Karkat. Despite being unable to move, he had a deadly glare on his face, looking like a dog with rabies. Yikes.

"…I'll just bring you to Dumbledore, okay? Nothing more…" He said, before taking the small one with him, and going the way his friends and teacher did.


	2. Chapter 2

**Alright, second chapter is up! And this is even more crazy than the first one! Lol what the hell am I doing...xD Anyway, I hope you like it! And thanks to dolphingirl17 for favouriting this story of mine~;A; I am grateful!**

**I DO NOT OWN.**

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Chapter two: What now, students?!

The silence hung around the room like a heavy fog, none speaking a word. When Dumbledore first laid eyes upon the creatures, he had been surprised, but quickly regained his posture. This was new to him, and he did not know, if it meant anything. A sign, perhaps…no, that couldn't be: they might be creatures never seen before, but that didn't mean there was anything behind it. Perhaps this was some new magical species? From what Gilderoy and the kids had informed him, they appeared to be just as confused as them, not knowing how they got to Hogwarts.

This was…interesting, to say the least, and Dumbledore couldn't help but do his famous twinkle with his eyes. The trio noticed right away, and sighed. Whatever their headmaster was thinking, it couldn't be good.

"Harry, if you would release the two of them from their bind, please" Dumbledore suddenly requested.

Harry was quick to oblige, performing the _Relashio _spell. Almost immediately, Karkat broke hell loose.

"FUCK YOU FUCKHEADS, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, CASTING SOME WEIRD SHIT ON US TO IMMOBILE US AND THEN DRAG US LIKE WE'RE SOME NOOKSNIFFING WIGGLERS, YOU FUCKTARDS I WILL NO-"

Dumbledore was quick to cast the no-swearing spell, making Karkat shut up for a second, before rambling on again:

"-AND NOW WHAT THE _FFFFF_…WHAT THE _FFFF_…!" Karkat yelled, trying to use the "F" word, to no avail.

While Karkat continuously tried to swear, the only sounds that came out were "fff's", "hhhh's", Ssshh's" and so on. His face grew redder for each try, until he was out of breath.

"…WhOa…MoThErFuCkIn' MiRaClEs…WhAt DiD yOu Do To KaR-bRo, MoThErFuCkErS?" Gamzee asked a little agitated. He did NOT like seeing his little motherfucker struggle like that to something as simple as swearing. Hell, it was practically the crab's language…

Karkat, hearing his moirails tone, quickly calmed him down:

"IT'S…IT'S OKAY, GAMZEE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THESE _FFF_…THESE MONKEYS DID TO ME, BUT IT PROBABLY WON'T LAST FOREVER, OR ELSE I AM GOING TO ROYALLY _SSS_RR…SPANK THEIR…BUTT'S…"

Gamzee looked questionably on Karkat, then the humans, and shrugged. If his motherfucking bro said so, then so be it.

Said humans had been staring for quite some time, still not used to the short ones foul language and temper…the other one was just plain weird, they all mentally agreed.

Harry made a note not to mess with the tall one, Gamzee. He knew the creature looked completely peaceful, perhaps even stoned, but something in his mind screamed 'danger'. Perhaps it was due to the tone he had used, when Dumbledore cast the spell on his friend.

But boy, he had never met anyone as foulmouthed as that short creature!

When the creatures finally calmed down, Dumbledore took the lead.

"I have been informed of your strange arrival at this school. It must have been quite a shock, no?"

Karkat huffed, and Gamzee said nothing, just looking up, his eyes trailing back and forth, as if looking at a butterfly.

Dumbledore decided to just do the talk, and continued.

"…Well, seeing as we are all confused, should we not help each other out? I am certain you have some questions for us, just as we for you."

Karkat was glaring now, his eyes narrowed.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?"

Dumbledore smiled, his eyes shining once again.

"We would like to know who you are, what you are, where you're from and what you know about this world. Would that be alright to ask? I assure you, we will answer your questions with sincerity if you do."

Karkat thought about the proposal being offered. On one hand, he was pissed on these humans, not wanting to give them an answer, but on the other, he could see the logic in these questions…He and Gamzee were in serious shit here, not knowing where, or how the hell they got to this place. He would bet his burrito on, that the "mirthful gods" were laughing their asses off at this moment…That was, if he had a burrito.

Anyway, they needed info and help. It was required if they wanted to know what the fuck was going on, and these people seemed to be willing to answer them. Still, he didn't like the idea. He wished, he could just close his eyes, and open them again, to find this all but a dream. But, no such shit, _Sherlock. _

"…ALRIGHT, I GUESS WE HAVE A DEAL. BUT YOU RED MONKEYS BETTER KEEP IT!"

Dumbledore's smile became wider, if that was possible. "But of course. We never break a promise once it's made, I can assure you.

"ALRIGHT, THEN LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH. FIRST QUESTION; MY NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS, AND THAT DOUCHE OVER THERE IS GAMZEE MAKARA. SECOND QUESTION; WE ARE TROLLS. THIRD QUESTION; WE ARE FROM A PLANET CALLED ALTERNIA, THAT, BY THE WAY, IS COMPLETELY DESTROYED NOW. THE LAST PLACE WE RESIDED ON WAS A METEORITE. FOURTH, AND LAST QUESTION; WE HONESTLY DON'T KNOW A SSHH….WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS WORLD. SINCE IT SEEMS TO BE INHABITED BY YOU RED MONKEYS, I WOULD TAKE A GUESS AND SAY WE ARE ON EARTH. THOUGH, IF MY SUSPICION IS CORRECT, THIS IS NOT THE EARTH WE KNOW ABOUT…SO I GUESS IT WOULD BE A DIFFERENT EARTH, IN A DIFFERENT DIMENSION? GLUB IF I KNOW! DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS?" Karkat finished.

The others honestly wondered how he could say that much in such a short time without breathing. Was he doing that a lot?

This information was interesting, and everyone except the trolls was intrigued. To think that they stood in front of actual aliens!

Dumbledore ran the information he had just gathered around his head, deep in thought. At first, when Karkat had mentioned them to be trolls, he thought that that was utterly false. Their trolls and these "trolls" were nothing alike. But he later came to understand when Karkat mentioned their planet and different dimension. It seemed as if they knew of another world called earth, and that it wasn't their first time seeing humans. How interesting indeed.

Now, the question was; what to do about them? Should he…no, no, that wouldn't work. Perhaps he should…no, not that either. How about…

"HEY, OLD MONKEY, WHAT ABOUT OUR QUESTIONS? DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU KEPT YOUR DANMED PROMISES?" Karkat sneered, making Dumbledore snap out of his thoughts.

"Ah, but of course mister Vantas, ask right away. I do apologize, this information is just new and very interesting, and it had me lost in thought." He chuckled.

Karkat rolled his eyes. He couldn't wait to swear again.

"IT'S NOT MUCH, REALLY, BUT WHO IN THE CAKE'S NAME ARE YOU? WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS PLACE AND…MAGIC, YOU SAID? I GUESS YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET BACK TO WHERE WE CAME FROM, SO I WAS ALSO WONDERING ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH US, SEEING AS YOU HAVE US RESTRAINED HERE…CAN WE JUST LEAVE, OR WHAT?"

"Hm, fair questions indeed" Dumbledore began "My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I am the headmaster of this school. This over here is the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, professor Gilderoy Lockhart. I assume you have already met these three youngsters, Harry, Ronald and Hermione. They are all second year students."

"This place is a special school called Hogwarts. It is a school for young witches and wizards to learn and practice magic, charms, spells, potions and the like. We all educate the children here, who have the power to perform magic, while we protect and keep those who can't out. We call the people who can't perform magic "Muggles". It is important to learn how to use magic, for both protection and self-defense, as there are many dangers in this world."

"You are correct. As of yet, we do not know how to get you home. It would become a possibility with time and studying, but it will take quite some time, as this hasn't happened before."

Karkat sighed, and Gamzee was actually looking like he was paying attention.

"THAT LEAVES THE LAST QUESTION…" Karkat said slowly.

"Yes, about that, I have yet another proposal to you. Would you be willing to hear it?"

"IT'S NOT LIKE WE GOT A CHOICE!"

Dumbledore laughed while the others sweatdropped. How could their headmaster be so calm? What did he have in store for these trolls?

"I am glad to have your cooperation, mister Vantas, mister Gamzee. You see, I think your sudden landing here has to do with magic. However it happened, I will be sure to find out. My proposal is for you to stay at Hogwarts, and attend the school as students. I can feel quite a bit of magic in you, and I am sure it would speed up the progress of getting you both home. By letting you learn magic, you will have the chance of contributing in this mystery. I think it would only be fair to work together, now wouldn't it? Besides, I don't suppose you have a place to stay. We will provide everything for your stay here, and you will get daily meals like the others. How about it?"

As if on cue, Karkat's stomach rumbled. He blushed a bit, but quickly willed it away. No way in hell was he going to a shitty school. He was not going out with a fight.

Karkat opened his mouth to protest, but was stopped by a large hand on his shoulder. He looked up and found Gamzee standing beside him, looking serious.

"KaR-bRo, We ArE mOtHeRfUcKiN' dOiNg ThIs ShIt." He said with a voice full of determination.

Wow, that was weird. Karkat was so surprised that he couldn't reply.

"Excellent!" Dumbledore cheered "We will have you sorted the next thing tomorrow, and you will get to know which house you'll be in. As for now, I would suggest you go to the main hall and eat. It must have been a long day for you, so for now, I will give you the key to a special room. It is on the second floor, to the right. You can't miss the place."

"ThAnKs So MuCh WhItE hAiReD-bRo, We'Ll aLl Up AnD mOtHeRfUcKiN' dO tHaT." Gamzee said, his usual lazy smile plastered back on his face. However, Karkat noticed a shine in his eyes that weren't there before.

Dumbledore smiled again.

"Good. Do not worry about your appearances; the students will mostly believe you to be some magical species. Tomorrow, I will tell everyone about you, so there wouldn't be further misunderstandings."

"Now, Harry, Ronald, Hermione and professor Gilderoy, don't you have a class to attend to? I'll see you later."

They all nodded and quickly left the room.

"LeT's Go BrOtHeR" Gamzee said, and proceeded to push Karkat out of the office.

All Karkat could do was gape. What the hell had just happened? How the hell did it all turn out like this? And most of all, what the hell came over Gamzee?

That's when it clicked. Gamzee + magic = miracles.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" Karkat roared as the door to the office closed, leaving the headmaster alone.

"…Looks like the no-swear spell is gone." Was all he could say.


End file.
